Word is Out

What does it mean to pray in Jesus’ name? The third chapter of Colossians sheds some light on what often becomes a cliché phrase thoughtlessly tacked on to the end of a prayer. To pray in Jesus’ name simply means that you are requesting to represent Jesus, just as an ambassador meets with leaders from other countries in the name of his leader and country. In the Old Testament, a message would be delivered with the words: “I come in the name of the king,” meaning “I come as a representative for the king.”

Colossians 3:17 reminds us: “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (English Standard Version)

Or in the New Living Translation:

“And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.”

To pray in Jesus’ name is to say that you desire to represent Jesus. If you are praying for a restored marriage, you are asking God to give you the strength to represent Jesus as you pursue reconciliation. If you are praying for the changed heart of a teen, you are asking God to help you represent Christ in your outreach to him or her.

It’s time to drop the rehearsed ending and move it to the front. When we come to the throne of grace requesting the privilege of representing our Lord from the onset, it may shift our emphasis from our needs to His desires.

When our children have committed an offense, how do we respond? The natural tendency of our flesh is to protect ourselves and our image, allowing anger to escalate and tempers to flare in order to avoid the real heart issues. In self-preservation we insist on having the last word rather than seeking to understand. Too often self-love hinders our ability to reach the hearts of our children. But God’s Word tells us that “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

We must break down the barriers that squelch communication, and once again bring about an environment in which we can look beyond the offense and into the heart. No matter how wrong they may be, we are now controlled by the Spirit of God–not by our own selfish heart–and are in a position to provide guidance.

When the prophet Nathan confronted King David with his sin, he didn’t become irate. Rather, he approached David with a story and concluded with the simple statement: “You are the man.” A simple story and a simple statement were all it took to break the heart of the king. Just as Nathan used wisdom when dealing with David, we too can help our children through words that convey wisdom and truth.

If anger consistently controls your life and rears its ugly head whenever you are confronted with a challenge, perhaps now is the time to seek help from a godly pastor, counselor, or wise older couple. Take off your mask and allow yourself to be helped. If we want to be like Christ, then we must be willing to humble ourselves, pray, and seek His help.

It is now time that we confess our faults one to another, and allow God to fill us with His love, joy, peace, longsuffering, and gentleness. It is never too late to change. There is no situation in life that is beyond the life-changing power of our awesome God!

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I’ll never forget the day my oldest son called me on his cell phone and asked me to bring him a screwdriver! Can you imagine? What I gave him was a piece of my mind. Then my wife asked who was on the phone. When I told her who it was and what he wanted, she told me that she would bring the screwdriver to our son! “No you won’t!!” I replied.

Supper was ruined and everyone was upset over a ridiculous screwdriver; all of this was caused by my lazy son! Well, that’s what I thought was the problem.

Later that week, I shared what happened with a friend of mine and he agreed with me that my wife should “Absolutely not!” have brought our son the screwdriver. I was relieved and vindicated. It is not often that I am in the right when I share a family conflict with him.

But my vindication only lasted for a moment. As I was departing he said, “You should have gotten it!” “WHAT?!” “That’s right” he said. “You should have gotten the screwdriver because that is the only way that you’re going to break the cycle of self-centeredness. He learned it from you. All those years, he has heard his father say, ‘get this and help me with that, and when you’re done I need you to do this and that.’ Your son needs to see you serve; then–and only then–will he learn to serve as well.”

It’s now fifteen years later. I’m happy to say that my friend’s counsel was a turning point in our lives. My son turned out to be one of the most selfless people I know. Me? I’m not what I used to be and by the grace of God I’m getting closer to who I should be.

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves” (Philippians 2:3).

“Daddy, come and push me!” When my daughter was about 8 years old she would often call for me to push her on the rope swing. She could stretch the rope all the way to the porch and jump off–swinging high into the air–and then hit the tree with her feet, spinning like a top.

It wasn’t often that I could push her, as I was in seminary full time and also raising 70 sheep and 22 horses. Trying to give my children the perfect childhood and at the same time accomplish my career goals with my Type A personality took a toll on my health. Anger started to surface and as my health started to deteriorate, I found myself demanding more from my family to help with the chores and demands of the farm. I ended up with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, ulcerative bleeding colitis, and severe depression. God was slowly removing my ability to control anything so that I would learn to be totally dependent upon Him. I knew in my head that unless the Lord builds the house, we labor in vain who build it, but this truth hadn’t reached my heart yet.

My health continued to deteriorate, and I finally reached a point where I could hardly get out of bed. I will never forget the calls of her childhood–”Daddy, please come and push me.” I didn’t have the energy–I would give her a quick push and that’s all I could muster. It took thirteen years for me to learn that His grace is sufficient and His strength is made perfect in our weakness. When I finally gave God back the reigns of my life, my health was restored. On Jennifer’s 16th birthday, I built a rope swing in her bedroom. It’s still up today and serves as a reminder that it’s “. . . Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD . . . .”

Have you ever found your child cheating on his schoolwork? While you need to see this behavior as a red flag, I would encourage you to look at what might be the underlying cause of your child’s actions.

Cheating is a form of dishonesty. Two reasons for cheating are a fear of consequences and low self-esteem.

Have you placed undue pressure on your child to get good grades? Then perhaps fear is motivating his actions. If fear is the reason for cheating, then not only does the child need help, but his parents do as well. Parents who place undue pressure upon their children cause unnecessary fear and insecurity. As the level of fear increases, the level of reasoning and risk-taking decreases.

If your child isn’t acting out of fear, perhaps the problem is low self-esteem. In this case, the best action you can take is to focus on helping your child succeed in at least one area of his life. Make a big deal out of small accomplishments. Inspiring role models abound in the plethora of books from YWAM, Vision Forum, Lamplighter Publishing, and many Christian publishers today.

The greatest role model is Jesus. Take a moment to observe the trusting relationship the Father has with His son. The Father encourages his son in the presence of others. He says, “This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased.” He gives His son a sense of identity and affirmation.

Children need their parents to affirm that they are special and that they are unconditionally loved. We need to build our children up in front of others, just as the Father did with His Son.

1 John 4:18 reminds us that: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”

Recommended Resources:
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For Parents:
The Education of a Child, by Francois Fenelon
The Education of Child Parenting Seminar, by Mark Hamby
Families Where Grace is in Place by VanVonderen

For Children:
Basil ; Or, Honesty and Industry (ages 6 to 11)
Jack the Conqueror (ages 6-11)
Hand on the Bridle (ages 10-16)
Falsely Accused in the High Sierras (ages 12 and up)

I once received a letter from a desperate mother who was dealing with an 11-year old son who she described as hardened and rebellious.

The mother wrote to me and mentioned one particular incident involving her son’s decision in wanting to learn violin. She was able to find a violin teacher who was able to start the lessons the very next morning. Feeling unprepared to start so soon, the child, in a fit of unrestrained anger, yelled at his mother, telling her to cancel the meeting. After cancelling the meeting, she then calmly talked with him about his need to earn the privilege of learning violin.

Here’s what I shared with this mom:

The way you handled everything was perfect. Continue to be consistent in your disciplining attitude while at the same time not allowing your leverage to turn into a hammer over his head. Your hand of chastisement must also be a loving one, turning his heart toward God’s design for living in grace and truth.

Once he starts the lessons, you will want to make sure that you no longer use his lessons as a punishment. He now needs to be responsible to his teacher. However, make sure that he and his teacher understand that in the future, if he responds in the same way concerning his lessons, you will have to cancel violin permanently. If there is a cost incurred in the last cancellation, have him pay for the teacher’s loss of time.

Try to communicate both the rewards and consequences with a loving spirit so he knows that you would not want to do this unless absolutely necessary. Lastly, remember that mercy is the best tool to soften a hardened heart. It is the goodness of God that leads to repentance.