We who preach and write, do so in a manner different from which the Scriptures have been written. We write while we make progress. We learn something new every day. We speak as we still knock for understanding...If anyone criticizes me when I have said what is right, he does me an injustice. But I would be more angry with the one who praises me and takes what I have written for Gospel truth than I would be with the one who criticizes me unfairly. -Augustine

Dear Dad, Part 1

Recently, a dad wrote to me, expressing his concern and frustrations about his teen daughter’s poor choices and irritating mood swings. Here’s what I wrote to him:

Dear Dad: First, choose your battles wisely. She is a young lady now and needs to be making some of her own decisions, even if they seem to be poor choices. While she is living at home (instead of alone or with peers), this is a safe time for her to learn from poor choices. Often our control of others is evidence of our lack of trust in God. Those we love the most become the idols of our heart, as shown in our inability to relinquish control.

Your daughter is God’s possession, and you are a caretaker. Often parents desire perfect children so their own images will be exalted. Your daughter is not going to be perfect. You need to celebrate her strengths and praise her as much as possible.

In Psalm 103 we learn that God does not deal with us according to our sins. Try to maintain an imbalance of mercy and judgment–God is extremely imbalanced in this regard…1000 to 4! His mercy is to a thousand generations and his judgment to the third and fourth generations.

Remember also that God’s compassions are new every morning. Make sure yours are likewise. If your daughter doesn’t experience her dad’s compassions and affirmation, she will continue to look to others for what she desperately needs.

In our next Lamplighter moment, I’ll share how this same father can help his daughter deal with the mood swings she’s experiencing!

Recommended Materials:

The Return of The Prodigal Son by Henry Nouwen (not available from Lamplighter)

Spit in Your Face, Part 2

Yesterday we talked about “extremes” that God would go to in order to teach his children about holiness. Please understand that “extremes” must be governed within the framework of mercy and grace, and only used for those children or adults who purposely disobey after much guidance and correction have been given. Within this framework of parenting, we must never forget that God’s mercy is a thousand times greater than his judgment. A good example of “extreme parenting” is given to us by a woman named Sarah Edwards, the wife of the great preacher, Jonathan Edwards.

In Elisabeth Dodds’ book, Marriage to a Difficult Man, she writes, “Sarah knew how to make her children regard and obey her cheerfully, without loud angry words, much less heavy blows. She seldom punished them, and in speaking to them, used gentle and pleasant words. If any correction was necessary, she did not administer it in passion; when she had occasion to reprove and rebuke she would do it in few words, without noise; she had need to speak but once; she was cheerfully obeyed because she convinced her children of the reasonableness of her request; murmuring and answering again were not known among them.

The kind and gentle treatment they received from their mother, while she strictly and punctiliously maintained her parental authority, seemed naturally to . . . promote a filial respect and affection, and to lead them to a mild, tender treatment of each other. Quarreling and contention, which too frequently take place among children, were in her family unknown.

She carefully observed the first appearance of resentment and ill will in her young children . . . showed her displeasure and suppressed it to the uttermost; yet not by angry, wrathful words, which often provoke children to wrath . . . Her system of discipline was begun at a very early age and it was her rule to resist the first, as well as every subsequent exhibition of temper or disobedience in the child . . . wisely reflecting that until a child will obey his parents he can never be brought to obey God.”

Parenting books are a dime a dozen…they come and go with the winds of culture. But there are three books that remain as the most insightful and life-changing of all the parenting books I’ve read over the last twenty years–
• The Education of a Child by Fenelon
• Families Where Grace is in Place by VanVonderen (for the controlling dominant and out of control parent)
• The short but powerful insights by J.C. Ryle of the 19th century, Duties of Parents.

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Spit in Your Face!

What would you do you if you saw a parent spitting in their child’s face?

In the Old Testament, if you got hit by spit, you would be considered unclean. In fact, according to Leviticus 15:8, if someone unclean spit on you, you would have to wash your clothes and bathe and be unclean until the evening. Deuteronomy 25:9 says that if a brother refused to marry his dead brother’s wife, she was to remove his sandal from his foot and then spit in his face. Both the spitting and loss of a shoe represented disdain and humiliation which made a man think twice before he decided to turn his back on his family responsibilities.

In Numbers 12, Miriam and Aaron are severely chastised by God for speaking against Moses behind his back. The penalty for Miriam is an immediate break out of leprosy and intense humiliation. Though her punishment didn’t last long, I’m sure she never spoke rashly against those in authority again.

Note what God says about Miriam’s behavior after he administers this unusual short term punishment. He says, “if her father had but spit in her face, should she should not be ashamed seven days?” It would appear that Mariam needed to have her mouth washed out with soap when she was a child. God seems to be indicating that her father didn’t do his job as a parent and as a result, Mariam now as an adult is still using her mouth for harm.

Now, please, understand that I am NOT, I repeat, not ever saying you should spit in your children’s face or wash their mouth with soap…though my mom did that to me when I spoke mouthy as a child…and I thought twice before I ever spoke that way again. But there’s more that we can draw from this unusual section of Scripture. God as our father sees sin as serious, and will go to great lengths to teach us the value of holiness. It is time that we as parents do the same.

Recommended Reading: Families Where Grace is In Place

The Work Should Be Done!

A mother once wrote to me and shared the following:

“I had to run to the store, so I told my 11-year old son to make sure he stayed focused on his math. As I was leaving the house, I shouted out a follow-up and said, ‘The work should be done by the time I get back.’ Apparently my tone and body language threatened him with negative consequences if it was not done. When I returned, I found a totally stressed out, sobbing child. In my wisdom I immediately thought, ‘He’s been goofing off and he’s trying to play me to get me to help him.’

After I reviewed the reality of higher math with him, explained that it gets harder, told him things wouldn’t always be easy for him, and so forth, my son looked at me and said, “Mom, I’m not afraid of the math. I was afraid of getting into trouble with you. The only thing that was going through my head was that it needed to be done before you got back.” Then it dawned on me; my son is a pleaser and all he wants to do is please me. How could I be so blind? I totally stressed him out! We talked; I asked for forgiveness and we hugged.”

Recently, I heard a practical thought that can help us overcome our tendency to overreact and govern others with power and pride. “Suspend judgment and be kind.” Lately, I have been saying this to myself over and over again-“Suspend judgment and be kind.” I think this is what Paul was communicating in Ephesians 4 when he wrote:

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Questions? Comments? Join the discussion on Facebook today!

Recommended Reading:

The Education of a Child by Fenelon (Every parent should read The Education of a Child. I found this 17th century wisdom on parenting to be the best I have ever read.

Let Go & The Dialogues of Fenelon (If you are looking for something that will take you deeper in your walk with Christ, these two devotional books from the 17th century are among my prized possessions.)

Challenge at Runaway Brook – for children ages 6 to 10, this is a great book that deals with almost every family conflict and their resolve. Sibling rivalry? If so, this is a great book for the whole family.

Jack the Conqueror – The title says it all…it is also Lamplighter’s book of the year!

Use Coupon Code: MOMENTS and receive free shipping for orders placed online or by phone. Free shipping offer does not apply to international or distributor orders.

Sneak Peek at Recording of “The White Gypsy”

Lamplighter Theatre’s newest audio drama, The White Gypsy, is now airing on 1500 stations in 23 countries!

Take a sneak peek at our time recording this drama in the studio:

Published in: on May 26, 2012 at 11:23 am  Leave a Comment  

Changes to Upcoming Lamplighter Guild Week

If there was ever anything certain, it is this: God has His hand upon the upcoming Guild week in July.

At the same time, I am very disappointed and extremely excited to share with you some changes in our lineup of master teachers.

First, we have learned that Lizzie Glassborow may be recovering from surgery and unable to travel during her recovery period. Philip did not think it would be wise for him to be away from home, so I must share the sad news that our beloved, London-accented friends will not be with us this year.

But all was not lost when I learned that Peter Moreton would not only be able to teach all that Philip would teach but also incorporate stage acting with his incredible skills.Then, just recently I heard from Peter, who contacted me with fear and trembling. An unusual conflict occurred with the very small print in a contract of his for an upcoming theatrical production. He told me that he and his agent tried everything possible, but he would not be permitted to travel during the week of the Guild. What was God doing? A quick note was sent to the Lamplighter staff, but God seemed to be giving a peace beyond understanding. Peter called me again, and I thought he was about to tell me that he was cleared to come. But instead he recommended his replacement–a celebrated European actress who loved the Lord. When he told me her name, I could only smile. It was Cathy Sara. Some of you may know her as the voice of Mary in the Lamplighter Theatre drama, The Basket of Flowers. But this is not the best part of the story.

When I called Cathy to see if she would be interested, I didn’t tell her what some of the goals of the 2012 Guild would be. In fact, I wasn’t going to share this with anyone until my introductory announcements at the Guild. But it does appear that God would have me announce these goals today. A year ago, God began to burden my heart for the children, teens, and women who have been enslaved in the sex trade, particularly in India, the Philippines and the U.S. In conjunction with Phillip Telfer and John-Clay Burnett teaching on the subject of Documentary Film Production, I thought that some of our students might be inspired to produce something that could awaken the church in America to be engaged in the rescue and redemption of those enslaved in this demeaning and dehumanizing atrocity. What a mission field we have before us.

What does this have to do with Cathy Sara? During the first minute of our conversation, Cathy said to me, “Mark, let me tell you what God has been doing in my life and where my passions are these days and then let’s see if I am a fit to teach at the Guild.” What Cathy said next was a moment that not only brought tears, but also confirmed that God had indeed rearranged our teachers to allow for a very important assignment. Cathy went on to say the following: “Mark, I just returned from India, working with the teens and young women who had been enslaved in the sex trade. I was there for three weeks teaching drama as a means of redemption and restoration. I have never been more blessed than what I experienced in working with these girls and I can’t wait to go back.”

Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? Cathy went on to say that she will be teaching our students some of the same content that she taught in India, thus preparing our students in the art of redemptive drama–a drama that goes much farther and deeper than mere entertainment. This is the art of rescuing souls and of setting the captives free.

My friends, I am more excited than ever to experience what God has for us during this life-transforming week of the Lamplighter Guild. I look forward to sharing more in the next letter. God has opened more doors than I ever imagined. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact Christina at mail@lamplighterguild.com. We are more than happy to discuss any concerns you might have. If you’re intrigued, you can also register today!


Mark Hamby
President Lamplighter Ministries

Published in: on May 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm  Leave a Comment  

Unwearied Labor

Unwearied Labor

Charles was just four years old when he was separated from his mother in a dreadful storm at sea. Endeavoring to save her baby girl, Charles’ mother could not save the life of her son. Assuming him lost forever, the grieving mother slowly rebuilt her life and treasured her daughter as the apple of her eye.

But little did she know that the unthinkable and unpredictable Providence of God was working behind the scenes, working all things together for good! Now reunited with his mother as a grown lad, Charles recounts the story of God’s miraculous provisions. Raised by a rural minister, Charles had returned as a man of purpose and conviction. His account of his upbringing will be an inspiration to all who read about the parenting instruction given by the wise old rural minister.

“Be unwearied in the labor of your calling. The vocation of a student is noble and honorable. Whether you study law, medicine, or divinity, in all these the welfare, either temporal or eternal, of your fellow beings is entrusted to you. It would be a fearful thought were you not in earnest in desiring to become master of your profession, and if, instead of contributing to the happiness of men, you, through ignorance and unskilfulness, should cause their injury. The years of study are the seed-time; make use of this precious time ere it flies away–else you cannot expect a joyful harvest” (The Little Lamb, p. 66).

As I read over these words, I thought what an apt reminder they are for those of us who are motivating and educating the next generation. Our children’s slackness could harm not only themselves, but future generations and even future civilizations as well. This realization should motivate us to inspire our children to pursue excellence in their gifts and callings.

“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace . . .” (1st Peter 4:10).

The story mentioned in today’s Lamplighter Moment can be found in The Little Lamb. Order today and receive FREE shipping on your order by using promo code MOMENTS.*

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Published in: on May 23, 2012 at 12:24 pm  Leave a Comment  

Friends of the Family, Part 3

For the past two days, I’ve told you about some very special friends. If you missed those Moments, I’d encourage you to check out part 1 and part 2.

Our family has been significantly changed by daily visits from these friends. And just when I thought we had met the entire family, one night, just before bed, we heard a gentle knock on the door. Who could it be at this late hour?
I opened the door. There stood a very aged-but distinguished looking-gentleman. He had a hand-carved cane made of mahogany and sported an English cap and dark wool cloak. If I had to guess, I would say he was easily in his 90’s or maybe even 100. But when he spoke, he seemed ageless. Sure enough, when he introduced himself, he was none other than the father of this unique family-and his name was LOVE.

It didn’t take long to learn, from his countless stories that we listened to every night, that Love’s influence seem to turn evil into good each and every time. He would end each of his stories by swirling his cloak over our heads and saying something about him covering a multitude of something. I could never understand what he was talking about but it had something to do with his cloak being used as a covering. Our children loved listening to his stories each night, but I think I enjoyed them the most. They usually brought tears to my eyes as I began to learn from this meek and gentle man that he truly never fails.

In conclusion, remember that “By mercy and truth, iniquity is purged . . .” (Proverbs 16:6) and “Whoever covers an offense seeks love . . .” (Proverbs 17:9).

Friends of the Family, Part 2

Yesterday I told you about our family friends, Grace, Mercy, and Compassion. We loved having these ladies over each night and morning. Their influence was transforming our home. But then, just as things started to change for the better, the doorbell rang. Each of the women looked at each other with concern. Lo and behold it was their younger brother, TRUTH.

Truth seemed to think that it was his right to speak his mind…about everything! I wasn’t enjoying his company like his sisters. Grace and Mercy were very quiet while Truth spoke his mind. There were several times when I wanted to boot him out of my home. I wasn’t enjoying his brutal insights about my failures. Then one time when I was about to tell him off I realized that he was absolutely right…about everything. Then I realized something that had gone unnoticed. Each time I was about to boot him out of the house, Mercy would say something to me that encouraged me to swallow my pride. Mercy later shared with me that her brother means well but sometimes he can be a little bit black and white. That’s why she makes sure that wherever he goes she stays close behind (see Psalm 85:10).

Just when I was getting to enjoy the insights that brother Truth had for me and my family, the doorbell rang again. Truth looked at his watch and said that he would return but needed to go. With an exchange of pleasantries, Truth tipped his hat to another close relative, his aunt Hope. What a delight to have her. I felt this strange sensation; all the shame that Truth had dug up in my life was disappearing. And each time that Truth came over and seemed to shake me upside down and inside out, Hope would be at the door knocking. She was there to put me back together.

In our next moment, we will meet one more dear friend!

Friends of the Family, Part 1

I’d like to introduce you to my five good friends whom I have enjoyed so much that I’ve invited them into my home. Their names are Grace, Mercy, Compassion, Hope, Truth, and Love.

GRACE is an attractive older lady who makes you feel like you are the most important person in the world when you’re in her presence. I am often humbled by her lavish graciousness, which causes her influence over me to grow even stronger. I’ll never forget the lessons that she taught me about my tendency to place responsibility above relationship. She saw how this was affecting my family and enabled me to see that they would more willingly follow humility than authority.

Soon, Grace asked if she could invite her twin sister to visit. When I met her I was amazed at their similarities. But there was one remarkable difference. MERCY had some serious memory problems. In most areas, her memory was exact–but when it came to offenses, she seemed to not be able to remember yesterday. What was most remarkable about Mercy’s influence in my life was that the more I got to know her, the more I was able to see my family from an entirely different perspective–from God’s perspective. Mercy seemed to change my relationship with my children and spouse almost overnight.

And wouldn’t you know it, there was another sister! Grace and Mercy introduced COMPASSION to me early one morning. Compassion began coming over early in the morning–every morning (see Lamentations 3:22-23)–even before the coffee was brewing! Her influence was contagious. My kids loved waking up to her voice. She put a smile on everyone’s face and my oldest son loved her the most. She made him completely forget about yesterday’s failures–and she helped me to practice her same forgetfulness.

Join me as I introduce more of my friends in our next Lamplighter Moment!